Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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