Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
