those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
