My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
