He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I deserve this hangover.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
