Jerry, you need to find god
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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