found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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