I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
