Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
