we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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