The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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