This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I party with great urgency now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
