If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
