He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
