I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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