All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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