i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
