smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
