margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
