Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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