You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
