You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
