If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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