I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
