Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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