If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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