he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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