I feel great
I just peed on a car
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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