nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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