Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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