In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize