i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
