Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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