I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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