dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
And then he peed in my hair
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