lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
