Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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