a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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