I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
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Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.