Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
