also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.