i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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