I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My nipple is on Facebook.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
