Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize