Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
