I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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