I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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