My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
