Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
