Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
