They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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