I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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