im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
