I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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