I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
