I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
