I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize