i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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