Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
