meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
