i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
