Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
