great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
