fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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