if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have aggressive nipples.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
