I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
