Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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