Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize