peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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