Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
